Overinvesting Spoons

I recently wrote about spoon theory, which is one of those concepts which everyone on the internet seems to be talking about when I arrive late to the party. Like bullet journaling and WhatsApp. Last week, I briefly chatted about spoon theory with a friend who blogs about her experience of MS, and she pointed out that you can overinvest spoons. You think you are setting yourself up for success by investing more spoons in activities which should lead to long-term gains in spoons, but the returns diminish and you don’t get your stainless steel dividends.

Spoons

This got me thinking and led to some interesting questions…

 

How many spoons should you invest?

If you get 12 spoons on an average day, what should be your investment strategy? It’s probably impossible to invest all of your spoons, but if you tried to do so, you would neglect your current needs. You need to do things which are necessary for your health and wellbeing today, which includes taking care of basics like eating proper meals and activities which bring immediate pleasure, like reading or chatting with a friend. If you don’t address your current needs, your spoons will deplete at a faster rate than you receive any dividends.

So imagine you can take care of your basic needs with 6 spoons. Should you invest the remaining 6? It seems sensible, since it could lead to a lot more spoons in the future. However, it also means you aren’t making the most of the spoons you have today by enjoying what you can spend them on. Imagine you have £150 of disposable income after paying your bills for a given month. Would you put it all into a savings account? No, because it would make you utterly miserable. It’s the same with spoons: you need to find a balance between saving and investing.

Personally, if I had 6 spoons left over, I would try to invest half and spend half on activities that make me happy. Spending 2 and investing 4 could work, but would be pushing it. Spending 4 and investing 2 is also a good option. I would keep a similar balance if I had more spoons, for example, if I had a really good day and there were 12 spoons left over, I would try to invest 6 and spend 6.

While this seems like a simple strategy, as with many issues concerning long-term illness, it raises some complicated questions…

 

Which activities count as investments?

You may enjoy many of the activities which give you more spoons in the long-term. Walking, for example, is something I find pleasurable and which improves my energy and mental health in the long-term. Activities like this are a mixture of spending and investment. It’s a bit like buying something you intend to use and enjoy in the short-term, but will sell for profit at a later date – like a classic car or limited edition fashion item. You have to decide what percentage of the spoons you spend on these activities count as investment.

This can vary on a daily basis. Some days, walking feels like more of a chore (usually when it’s raining), so instead of being 50% investment, it’s more like 75%. Other days (often in late spring sunshine), walking feels like more of a leisure activity and only 25% investment. As I keep saying in blog posts, finding what works for you will be down to trial and error.

Assessing the investment value of various activities requires being honest with yourself. Don’t kid yourself that specific activities are investments if you haven’t experienced any returns. You can still enjoy these activities, but as pleasurable pastimes. Conversely, some activities seem like they should bring more short-term enjoyment than they do and are actually more of an investment. For me, this includes social activities – I feel like I should enjoy them more than I do, because “normal” people seem to, but anxiety prevents me. Some social activities are more of an investment in my support network and confidence than pleasurable experiences – even if I have fun while participating in them.

If this all seems complicated, it’s because it is! Living with long-term mental illness can make even the simplest things complicated. In terms of spending spoons, it’s like investing in a wildly fluctuating market every day.

 

Are bigger investments better than smaller ones?

Different activities, including investment activities, require different numbers of spoons. This is a basic tenet of spoon theory. But when it comes to investing, is it better to choose a single activity which uses all the spoons you have available for investment, or should you spread your spoons over a few different activities?

Financial advisers would tell you that it’s generally better to have a diverse portfolio, which seems to favour spreading your spoons over more activities, but some high-spoon activities offer very high returns. I try to balance variety with investment in a couple of high-spoon activities. The variety may not be apparent on any given day, but I try to include several different activities over any given week.

My go-to high-spoon investment is exercise. It helps me feel better than anything else I’ve discovered so far and improves my mood in the short-term, as well as increasing my fitness and energy in the long-term. I invest in exercise most days, so I try to invest my remaining spoons in low-spoon activities like meditation and using my SAD lamp. Other low-spoon activities include listening to music, texting friends, reading and drawing.

High-spoon investment activities are useful tools, but carry a higher risk when you spend more spoons on them. Over-exercising, for example, can lead to exhaustion and injury – which means you get no dividends and will have fewer spoons each day for several weeks afterwards. Finding a balance is vital.

 

What can you do if you overinvest?

Prevention is obviously better than cure, but if it’s too late, you can take steps to recover and ensure you don’t overinvest again. First, consider what went wrong. Did you overinvest in a single high-spoon activity? Did you invest too many of your spoons without spending enough? Did you neglect your daily needs in favour of investing spoons? Don’t beat yourself up; try to understand what happened and why.

Secondly, take care of your current needs. You may need to sleep more, cut back on work or rely on others for more support. Figure out how you can do whatever you need to feel better right now. Spend all of your spoons on basic needs or enjoyable activities – hold off investing for a while.

When you begin to feel better, learn from your mistake and start investing slowly – one or two spoons a day, maximum. Sometimes it can feel so good to recover from a bad episode that you want to rush into action, but that will lead to an all-or-nothing cycle, which is unhealthy at best and can be extremely damaging. Also focus on activities which are a mixture of investment and short-term gains, like gentle walks or eating healthy, delicious meals.

 

Avoiding overinvestment can be difficult.

When you have a long-term condition, especially if you are ambitious, it feels like everyone else is sprinting ahead and you’re stuck in the slow lane. It’s tempting to push yourself too hard, especially when your health improves and you feel better than during worse episodes. Even when you know holding back is sensible and necessary, it can feel like you are making excuses not to pursue your goals at full throttle.

Thinking about spoon theory has given me a useful framework which helps me manage my mental health better. It was created in order to explain the impact of chronic illness to people who don’t understand what it’s like to experience long-term health problems, but it can also clarify the way you think about your own health. Using spoon analogies enable me to treat myself with more compassion and less judgement.

I think it makes me appreciate the spoons I have more, too. I wish I didn’t have to think about how many spoons I have every day, but I’m grateful when I have more spoons than I had at my lowest points.

Who Do You Want To Be?

Decision making can be difficult, especially when complicated by mental health issues. I can spend hours weighing up pros and cons, finding logical arguments for and against all possibilities. Sometimes it’s helpful; mostly, it leaves me stressed and confused. In Originals, Adam Grant discusses how some people take an alternative approach to making decisions, instead of weighing up the consequences: “Rather than looking outward in an attempt to predict the outcome, you run inward to your identity. You base the decision on who you are – or who you want to be.”

Sunrise sky

When I read this, I realised I have started to make decisions using this approach – but not consistently. I trekked to Machu Picchu because I want to be the type of person who pursues her dreams. I’m starting a part-time Psychology BSc next month because I want to be someone who has a comprehensive grounding in the subject, using my knowledge to engage with other people who have mental health problems in more effective ways. However, these are “big” decisions within a limited timeframe (though hopefully with long-term effects). What if I applied this philosophy to different kinds of decisions?

Creating Habits Based On Who You Want To Be

I have started to think more about my daily routine and how, in an ideal world, I would live my life on a daily basis. It’s tempting to fall into “if only…” thinking when you do this: “if only I had more money, I would exercise more.” “If only I had a better home, I would bounce out of bed earlier in the morning.” “If only I had more time, I would write more.” You can easily convince yourself that your “if only…”s are absolute truths, but on closer examination, they are excuses.

You can find ways around most obstacles – if you prioritise finding solutions. Sure, doing everything you want might be easier if you had more time, money, support, etc., but not necessarily. If you don’t think an activity is important enough to prioritise it right now, chances are you never will. You will use your extra time and money to do other things; perhaps things you already do and don’t consider particularly important, like shopping and watching television.

I realised I could think of hundreds of excuses, many of them based on my mental health problems and lack of money, but what’s the point? I would be avoiding improving my life. It makes no sense.

So I examined the habits I would like to adopt, without giving myself permission to make excuses, and discovered something interesting: I could adopt most of them right now. Nothing is stopping me from getting up earlier, spending a larger proportion of my time writing or exercising. Nothing is stopping me from doing more yoga or eating more healthily. I could moan about how much easier it would be if I had a big house with a gym, personal trainer and private chef, but what would that achieve?

Asking myself “who do I want to be?” every day is helping me to adopt better habits. I have been getting up at 5am for the past month, having believed I was a cast-iron night owl for years, and am more active than ever before. Writing more and eating healthily are works in progress, with the former more successful than the latter. I feel better for changing my habits and more focused on my goals.

 

Should You Keep Who You Want To Be Realistic?

Asking yourself who you want to be is powerful and most people aren’t ambitious enough in their goals, but I do think it’s useful to keep the vision of who you want to be rooted in yourself as you are. Trying to act like a completely different person can be intimidating and demotivating. You should believe your goals are possible – even if others disagree.

For example, I don’t think it would be helpful to envision my ideal self as someone with perfect mental health (assuming there could ever be such a thing!), because mental illness will always be a big part of my life. Even if I manage to recover completely, the years I have spent mentally ill have had a huge impact – in positive ways, as well as negative. Instead, I want to be someone who manages her mental health as effectively as she can, with help and support from others as needed.

On the other hand, plenty of people use superheroes as role models and are inspired rather than deterred. It may be impossible to emulate their heroes in every way, but they have fun trying and focus on goals they can achieve, such as adopting a similar attitude or prioritising values they share. As I often find myself saying, you need to find what works for you. Trial and error takes time and energy, but it’s worth the effort.

The key is to choose a version of yourself who inspires you to take action. If you’re constantly thinking in the back of your mind “I could never be like that”, you’re undermining your goals. If who you want to be is similar to who you are right now, consider whether you are selling yourself short by not setting big enough goals. It’s fine to be content with your life – if this is you, congratulations! – but many people tell themselves they’re content because it’s easier than taking action.

 

So, Who Do You Want To Be?

What would you do, if you could do anything? What attitude would you have? How would you spend your days? Who would you spend time with? What would you contribute to the world?

It’s easy to ignore these kinds of questions, but have a go at answering them – you might surprise yourself. If the answers seem strange or too difficult to achieve, don’t dismiss them. Write them down and keep hold of them. Think about them. Read about people who have achieved similar goals. Review your answers after a month or two and check your immediate reaction: do you feel excited, amused or scared? Or apathetic? Having an instinctive emotional reaction – even if it’s negative – is a sign that you should consider your goals.

Asking who you want to be also highlights what you don’t care about – which may surprise you. You might realise that some of your hobbies aren’t as enjoyable or rewarding as you thought. You may discover your current career goals are based on what you thought you should do, not what you want to do. You may reconsider aspects of your life which never seemed to be an issue before.

Asking who you want to be can be a way of resetting your compass. You might be on the right path, or you could decide to make a detour. It helps you reassess your situation, figuring out which changes to prioritise and appreciating what already works for you. Try it and see what happens!

Spoon Theory

I recently read about a simple and effective way to explain the impact of chronic illness to people who have never experienced long-term health problems: spoon theory. Spoon theory was created by Christine Miserandino as she tried to make her friend understand the debilitating effects of lupus. Her friend struggled to appreciate how everyday activities left Miserandino exhausted. She tried to sympathise with her challenges, but couldn’t empathise – until Miserandino grabbed some spoons as they ate in a diner and developed her theory.

The Basics of Spoon Theory

The original article is well worth a read, but this is the concept: spoons are metaphors for units of energy/ability and people with various chronic conditions, illnesses and disabilities usually have a limited number of spoons each day. When your spoons are “spent”, you are unable to do more activities. Even activities which seem simple to healthy people, like getting dressed or cooking dinner, use up spoons.

This means every daily activity has a trade-off. If you start the day with 12 spoons and use 3 getting dressed, showering and eating breakfast, you have 9 left for the rest of the day. Cooking dinner will use another spoon, ditto getting ready for bed, so that leaves 7 spoons remaining for the middle of the day. If you meet a friend for lunch, that could use 3 spoons, maybe 4, If you want to do a couple of hours of work, that might take 4 spoons. So what do you do?

You want to do both, but if lunch uses 4 spoons, it leaves 3 spoons for work – which means you will have to cut corners. Maybe you will be lucky and lunch will take 3 spoons; but you also might be unlucky and have to negotiate bad traffic on the way to meet your friend, meaning lunch uses 5 spoons. 6 if the traffic is bad on the way back. What do you prioritise? Work or lunch with a friend?

People who haven’t experienced long-term illness will probably think it’s no big deal – surely you can somehow find another spoon so you can do your work? Or do your work tomorrow? But your spoons are always limited. You only have a certain number each day. The number may vary, depending on the intensity of your symptoms, but you can’t magic extra spoons out of thin air. You can decide to postpone activities until tomorrow, but you can’t guarantee how many spoons you will have tomorrow. You may have a good day and start out with 17 spoons. Or you may have a bad day and start with only 5 spoons. How do you plan around that uncertainty?

 

Spoon Theory and Mental Illness

Spoon theory is useful in explaining how mental health issues can limit your life. It’s reductive, but that’s the point – it’s a way of simplifying the complexities of long-term health problems so they are easier to understand. I think of my spoons in terms of both energy and ability because anxiety and depression affect these factors, which also merge in the form of mental/emotional energy.

To explain what I mean, it’s easiest to use the spoon analogy. When I cook and eat dinner alone, it uses 1 spoon. If I invite a friend to my house, it takes 2 spoons because of the added anxiety using more energy. If my friend takes me to a familiar pub for dinner, it will take 3 or 4 spoons – more if it’s busy. If we go to an unfamiliar location, it uses at least 6 spoons. If we are joined by someone I have only met a couple of times, it uses an extra spoon. If someone I have never met is invited, it takes 2 extra spoons. If we are in a small group, a couple of extra spoons are needed; a large group takes 4 or more extra spoons.

So if a friend invites me to dinner in an unfamiliar location and invites a big group of people, including a few who I don’t know very well, it would require at least 12 spoons.

Let’s say I have 12 spoons on an average day. Can I go out to this dinner? No. Because I don’t have enough spoons to get ready, let alone travel to the restaurant and carry out my normal everyday activities. On a good day, I probably have 20 spoons. I can go to the dinner and probably cope, but it will limit the rest of my daily activities.

The problem is, when a friend invites me to such an event, I don’t know how many spoons I will have on that particular day. I can accept the invitation and hope for a good day, but the odds are against me. If I accept the invitation and it turns out to be a bad day, with only 6 spoons, I will have to cancel.

 

Can You Ever Use Spoons You Don’t Have?

What if I get invited to a very special event, like a wedding? Can I still go, even if I don’t have enough spoons? Yes – at a huge cost. I have pressured myself to go through with plans when I haven’t had enough spoons and it always has dire consequences. The best case scenario is it leaves me with a very limited number of spoons for the next few weeks. However, it usually leads to my experiencing worse symptoms – panic attacks, self-harm, harmful thoughts – which affect my mental health for weeks, sometimes months, afterwards.

When you try to use spoons you don’t have, it’s like spending money you don’t have and can’t pay back straightaway: you get charged interest and the amount owed increases rapidly. It’s very stressful and seldom worth the price paid in the end.

For this reason, I avoid accepting invitations to events which would use a lot of spoons. I hate having to cancel plans, because it makes me feel like a crappy, unreliable friend. I know I’m ill and can’t completely control my symptoms, but it still feels awful. The exceptions are special events, like weddings and christenings, which I would try to attend at all costs.

People struggle to understand how “borrowing” spoons takes its toll. They see me push myself to undertake challenges, so they think I can always push myself without ill effects. They see me act (vaguely) normally at a party for a few hours, but they don’t see me burnt out and suffering for the following week.

Sometimes it’s worth the price to try to “borrow” spoons, but it risks a great deal. I have to weigh up how bad I’d feel about missing an event or not undertaking a challenge against the probable effects.

 

Can You “Buy” Extra Spoons?

While you can’t magic spoons out of thin air on any given day, you can prioritise activities which will (hopefully) give you more spoons in future. Exercise helps me gain extra spoons, for instance, but I can’t determine when I receive the extra spoons. Going for a walk today (2 spoons) may give me an extra 3 spoons tomorrow, or an extra 5 spoons next week. But it might not.

Mental health management involves a lot of trial and error, as does spoon management. Broadly speaking, activities which improve your health and give meaning to your life will give you extra spoons in the long-term. But prioritising these activities can be difficult, because they require spending spoons which might be better spent on activities which give you pleasure and have other beneficial effects in the short-term. Choosing to prioritise activities for long-term effects is like investing money: you know it’s the sensible option in most cases, but buying something you can have and use right now is more appealing!

 

Spoon Theory Going Forward

I have only started considering my mental health problems in terms of spoon theory, but I think it’s already helpful. It can help me explain the reality of my daily life to people who haven’t experienced long-term health problems. It also enables me to view my difficulties with more compassion. When I’m unable to do something – especially something which seems easy – it’s not my fault for being useless: it’s just because I don’t have enough spoons today.

#Support4September

I started volunteering for The Project at the end of last year. It’s an East Devon-based organisation which runs peer support groups for young people aged 13-24 with mental health issues. It also provides mental health training and workshops, for schools, businesses and the general public. Lots of people choose to support specific charities/organisations because they have directly benefitted from them in the past, but I wanted to help The Project for the opposite reason: I wish it had been around when I was a teenager.

Support The Project

Giving Hope

A couple of days ago, I had an Instagram exchange with a parent whose child is on the waiting list for one of The Project’s groups and she made a comment which resonates with me (and probably many other people): “The Project gives hope to families.”

When I was a teenager, nobody spoke about mental health. There were no local organisations available to help me and my mental health problems were dismissed as “only stress” by teachers. I wasn’t diagnosed with a mental illness until I was 18, because I didn’t tell my doctor about all my symptoms – I believed they were somehow my own fault and I was embarrassed to mention them. Instead, I was treated for recurrent throat infections and tension headaches caused by stress (and, with hindsight, depression and anxiety). Social media didn’t exist and mental health was rarely mentioned in the press or on television.

The fact that The Project exists is a big deal. It shows young people with mental health problems that someone cares – and they are not alone.

The Project gives hope to many people affected by mental health, including parents/carers, who have their own monthly peer support group. It helps young people and families across East Devon, South Somerset, West Dorset and beyond. It raises awareness of the issues surrounding mental health and equips people to cope better and support others with mental health issues.

In my role as volunteer Writing and Communications Officer (a title chosen for me, not by me!), I’m trying to help The Project get more publicity so that it can spread mental health awareness and help more young people. When I was 18, I thought my life was over. Mental illness had prevented me from going to university as planned, I struggled to find a job (and to keep the job when I found it, since my mental health caused a high rate of absence) and felt I had nothing positive in my life. The help available from the NHS was limited and I was patronised and dismissed. A psychiatrist even told me that the only treatment options available were for “serious conditions, like schizophrenia” – despite the fact I had attempted suicide and was still feeling suicidal.

I don’t want today’s young people to have the same experiences. The Project gives them somewhere to go, someone to turn to, support to access. The Project tells each and every young person – whether or not they attend the support groups – that they matter. Their mental health and wellbeing are important. They deserve support.

 

An Inclusive Approach

One of the things I love about The Project is that young people don’t need to be diagnosed with a mental health condition in order to attend the support groups. Some have mental illnesses; others are struggling with mental health issues like bullying, bereavement and exam stress. While I’m frustrated when medical diagnoses are regarded as labels, I think the priority of all people and organisations involved in mental health should be to reassure and support anyone who is struggling. The Project does this: there are no hoops to jump through or boxes to tick. If your mental health is suffering, the solution is more important than the reason.

The solution The Project offers is holistic and flexible. The peer support groups are informal, relaxed and friendly. Nobody is pressured to talk about their feelings – or to do anything they don’t want to do. Every session involves at least one activity aimed at giving young people life skills and tools they can use to manage their mental health, but participation is optional. The activities are varied: cooking, arts and crafts, stress management techniques, music and group discussions have all featured.

Mental health can affect all aspects of your life and all aspects of life can affect your mental health. The Project not only acknowledges this, but embraces it.

The Project Needs Support to Provide Support

You may have seen on social media that The Project has launched a crowdfunding campaign, #Support4September: http://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/theprojectyp It aims to raise £15,000+ during this September, which also marks The Project’s 4th birthday, so The Project can continue providing all of its services for another year.

The Project receives funding from Comic Relief, but needs to (at least) match the amount of money it’s given by Comic Relief in order to function. It cannot survive without the generosity of its supporters. Raising the money needed is difficult and The Project needs all the help it can get. Please donate to the #Support4September campaign and spread the word to everyone you know – by supporting The Project this September, you will help to support young people all year round.

The value of giving hope to young people with mental health issues and their families cannot be underestimated. During dark times, The Project is a beacon to those in need of support. To keep it shining, please visit http://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/theprojectyp Thank you.

For more information about The Project, please visit http://www.theprojectyp.org.uk